I Know I'll Never Die Alone Because Of All Of You (Part 9)

Nicole's POV

Now that I've gotten over the obstacle of telling Kel, Bee and Sheen, I couldn't get my mind to concentrate on anything else. My mind was consumed at all times worrying about my parents and their reaction. I was turning 18 and so I had to make my own decisions- if not now, then when? Exactly. However much I coaxed myself, I couldn't get myself to pick up the phone and call home. I wasn't afraid of their reactions. No. I already knew what their reaction would be. They would be angry and mad and would want to kill me for a little while. But that would be over soon. Hopefully. I had to tell someone. My mother. My mom would understand more than my dad. My dad would come to Baltimore and strangle Alex with his bare hands. I couldn't risk that. No. I wasn't going to tell them. I was so confused as to what I was supposed to do. I was sitting on my bed staring hard at the sheets, clutching my phone tightly in my hand. That's how Bee found me.

"Uhm...Nic, are you ok?" She asked me.

"Huh? Oh yeah...No. I don't know how to tell them!" I exclaimed. I might as well tell her that. She knew them, she knew how they would react. She knew why I was worried.

"Who? Your parents?" She asked.

"No. My monkey. Who the fuck else would I tell?" I snapped.

She giggled. "Ha. I know. My bad. You do know you have to tell them sometime! I mean, I'm sure they'll notice if you never come home."

"Yeah. Eventually." I said.

"Have you gone crazy?!" She said, sitting down across from me. "You have to tell them!"

"Dude. Have you met my parents!? Bad question. You have. But you know what they'll do! They'll freak!"

"Yeah, I know. But Nic...you have to do it. You're not coming back. You have to tell them." Bee said, stating the obvious.

"I know! I just...can't bring myself to do it."

"Do it now. Get it over with. They'll be mad, but they have to accept your decision. They have to." Bee said. I breathed in deeply.

"What if my dad picks up?" I whispered, deathly afraid of what I was about to do.

"Then you ask him to give the phone to your mom." Bee said, grabbing my phone from my hand. She looked at me. "Are you ready? It's now or never, Nic."

"Yes. No." I took a deep breath and sighed deeply. "Do I have to?!"

"Yes!" Bee said firmly, holding out the phone to me.

"Fine." I took the phone from her outstretched hand and fumbled to my phone list and found 'Home' and pressed send. I waited as the phone rang, my heart speeding up. I looked at Bee while the phone rang and she held my hand and smiled comfortingly. I think those 26 seconds lasted an eternity.

"Hello?" Finally, my mom answered the phone. I opened my mouth to speak, but chickened out last minute. I looked at Bee wide-eyed. She squeezed my hand and mouthed "TALK!"

"Hi mom." I said in a small voice.

"Hi sweetie." My mom said. "How're you?"

"I'm ok. I have something to tell you..." I said, quickly. It was better to get it over with quickly.

"What happened? Are you ok? Are you hurt? Did anything happen to the girls?" Her voice was coloured with panic.

"No!" Irritation flowed through me. It helped decrease my nervousness. "But...uhm...you're not going to like it."

"What happened? I'm sure it's fine." My mom said, her voice back to normal now that I had confirmed no one was hurt.

"Uhm...well...funny story. I don't know if I mentioned it to you...but I met Alex here in Baltimore."

"Ok. So?" My mom was not following along.

"Alex Gaskarth mom! Yes- that Alex!"

"Oh. That's lovely, hunnie. I'm so happy for you." My mom gushed.

"Mom. You don't understand. I didn't just meet him. I'm going out with him!" I took a deep breath.

There was a silence for 20 whole seconds before my mom spoke again.

"Wow...How did that happen?" She asked the dreaded question.

"Oh well...that's a long story. But uhm...he's asked me to be a merch girl." I said, quickly and hopefully, painlessly.

"A what?" My mother asked, confused.

"A merch girl. Someone who sells merch. You know- at concerts?" I confirmed.

"Oh. So wait...you're going on tour with them?" My mom asked. I think the idea that I wasn't coming home in a while was finally dawning on her.

"Uhm...yeah." I looked at Bee, who nodded encouragingly.

"Nicole, that's an extremely big decision. It concerns your future. Come back home. We'll discuss it." My mom said, sounding stern, but not worried.

"There's nothing to discuss. I said yes. Hear me out- Mom, I'm not going anywhere even after I come back. I would probably get a random job and that's it- done. At least this way, I have a sense of direction in my life."

"Nicole, this is not something you should've sprung on us like this. I'm sorry. You have to come home. We'll discuss it when you're back." My mother struggled to control me.

"Mom. I'm turning 18. In 5 days I'll legally be an adult. You can't tell me what to do anymore. I'm not 3. This is my decision. It's my life. I want to do this."

"Nicole...I...what will I tell daddy?" My mother's voice got less and less friendly.

"Oh sorry mom. That's your field. Just tell him I got a job and I'll be gone for a while or something."

"I can't lie to him! Nicole, I'm going to have to tell him the truth." My mom sounded nervous.

"Fine. But...he'll get mad. Oh well. I think it's time for him to let go. I'm not a little girl anymore." I said, gaining confidence now that I'd confessed. "Anyways. I have to go. I'll call you soon. Bye mom. Love you." I said, quickly.

"Bye hunnie. Take care. I'll...tell daddy I guess." My mom said.

I smiled before ending the call.

Bee looked at me and smiled back.

"Yay! Told you that you'd feel better once you did it." She said.

"Yeah." I grinned. That felt good. I felt like I hadn't truly enjoyed life the past week because of the weight of this secret. Now that it was over, I felt so much lighter.

I felt my phone vibrate against my leg. Looking at the caller id I smiled instantly. Bee saw the smile and left me to talk in private.

"Hey." I said into the phone.

"Hi!" Alex said.

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"I told my mom that I'm coming on tour with you!" I said, sounding ecstatic.

"And...? What'd she say?" He asked impatiently.

"She's ok with it!" I exclaimed.

"Wow. She's ok with you moving in with me?" Alex asked, kind of surprised.

"Oh...uh...yeah. I kinda left out that part."

"Are you serious?! Nic, when're you going to tell them?"

"What they don't know won't hurt them." I smiled cheekily.

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Bee's POV

I sat here in a daze, confused beyond belief. On one hand, I really wanted to go to London. This is what I'd picked out for myself. A long, long time ago. And then came Zack- not that I was complaining. But he was making it so hard to make a decision. I mean, when you get something you've wanted for a really long time, you don't want to leave it. Exactly. I didn't want to leave. Long time ago, I had promised myself that I would put my happiness before all others. That's just the way the world works. Each person for themselves. I was getting way off-topic. Anyways. The thing is...I can't leave Zack. Or at least that's what I think. The last week was fast approaching. The concert is on the 21st and we're leaving on the 28th. Or at least, that's what the original plans were. I felt myself regretting everything I'd told Zack.

I thought back to what I'd said...

"NO! Please no. Don't say anything. I don't expect you to. It's not realistic Zack. Plus, I've got to go in a few weeks. I have a life I'm supposed to lead- in London. I've already accepted my education there. And plus- my parents would be horrified if I moved in with a guy before I was married. It just...doesn't happen in my culture. So, as tempting as the offer would be...I can't. So don't even ask yet. It would make me rethink everything and I don't want that."

But I did. I did want that.

I realized that now. I was half-hoping, in the darkest, most distant corner of my heart that I would get to stay like Nic too. But that just...wasn't realistic. Plus he wasn't ready either.

I can't leave him. I realized. This was getting way too difficult. I knew where this was going. I was getting so attached to him that leaving him would be almost impossible. I would cry a million tears and be gone from his life- and he would forget me. Now you see her...now you don't. I had to let go. Move on. The sooner I started, the better, right?

Somehow I brought myself to thinking that this was right. That he would forget me as soon as I was gone. That was ok though.

We're both in it for the memories. I reminded myself. It was not serious. We hadn't agreed on that part. I hadn't planned that part.

I think somewhere in this trip, the planning had gone askew.

I hadn't planned to fall in love...

Is that what it was?

Love?

Oh no...

What do I do now?

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Kel's POV

I was shaken up by last week’s incident, but me and Robert were on quite a roll. We hung out every single day, were on the phone most of the time we weren't together and were just...generally happy. I could sit there for hours with him and just pretend like there was no care in the world. Which is saying a lot for me. I always had something on my mind. You know sometimes, you meet someone and you feel like you've known them your entire life? That's the way I felt with him. I felt like there was a connection or a bond that held us together. I felt like it was keeping me sane. While I sat here in Robert's living room, in his arms, staring at the movie playing on the screen my mind wandered. At home, high school awaited. Yeah, for me it was back to the petty issues and drama-filled gossip sessions. While Nicole headed out to live a dream of many who desired the life of fast paced movement and Sheena and Bee headed to London to complete an education that was far more fascinating than anything I was about to do because it was London I was stuck in high school. I would kill to be going away to university too. That way I would get Rob to myself for longer.

In a week, though, it would all come to an end. All this bliss. All this happiness- gone.

I looked at Robert.

"Rob...I think...we need to talk." I said, hesitantly.

"Are you breaking up with me, Kel?" He asked in mock seriousness

I giggled slightly. "Why yes. You're smelly and depressing. I just don't like you!" I smiled up at him. He grinned back.

"No...but I really think it's time we discuss what's going to happen to us...in a week." I swallowed and cleared my rapidly drying throat.

Robert nodded solemnly and sat across from me.

"Uhm...yeah. Well...I'm leaving in a week. So...but you already knew that. I just...yeah. What do you think is going to happen?" I blurted.

He held my hand and looked deeply into my eyes.

"Whatever you want, Kel."

"What do you mean?" I asked, my heart sinking. Was he actually thinking about breaking up? I quickly shook off his hand.

"Well...I think...whatever you want, I'll live with."

"But Rob...I don't want...wait. Back up. What do you want? Do you want to...break up?" I asked, worriedly.

"No! Kelly! NO! But if...that's what you want...a break or anything...then well...I guess...I don't know." Rob was stuttering and the more hesitant he was the faster my heart beat.

This shouldn't have been that hard. All he had to say was "No Kelly. Of course not! We'll make it work! You can graduate early and come to university with me!" Instead, this was turning down a dangerous path.

"But I don't want a break! I don't want to be away from you!" I sputtered.

"You don't?" He looked at me with a confused look on my face.

"Of course I don't! Why would I do that? What we have is amazing! I wouldn't just let go of that because I'm going back!" I said, slightly outrageously. "How could you think I'd be strong enough to do that?"

"I don't know. I was stupid. I know I could never do it. I can't be without you, Kel. I love you way too much for that."

I froze. He said those 3 words...

This changed so much. I couldn't fathom what he had just said. I looked into his eyes, searching for something I'd been looking for my entire life. And there it was- staring back at me.

"I...I love you too." I said back, emotion overwhelming me.

I hugged him tightly and we held on to each other as if our life depended on it.

I was wishing this day would never end.

"So I guess that means we're not breaking up." Rob said and I laughed because when you're in love, you smile and laugh at every little thing as hope blossoms inside you.

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Sheen's POV

The chances of me getting to have my best friend come with me to England seemed pretty slim at the moment. I had the room all to myself- once again. Nic, Kelly and Bee were all out- with their respective boyfriends. What about me? I was sitting here in the hotel room, on the laptop. In the 2 weeks I had been here, I'd lost contact with the outside world.

"Whoa. There was a plane crash in Madrid 2 days ago." I talked out loud to myself.

It wasn't like there was no newspapers here in Baltimore, it was just that I'd been so busy having fun to keep in touch with reality. But it had finally caught up to me. The reality was that somewhere in the world children were dying of hunger, plane crashes were occurring and a war was being fought. Another reality was that I might be flying to London alone if my best friend decided to stay here in Baltimore with her boyfriend. I was trying to remain positive about the whole thing. I was glad she'd found Zack- of course I was. She was happy and I was happy that she was happy. But the negatives were weighing me down. If she didn't come with me, I would be living in a new city all alone- a city where no one knew me. I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous to live in a place like London. It just seems so rich in culture. It was like the entire city was built just for that purpose. To come and see and explore. I was ready for it. I was ready to dive into the real world. I was done being protected by boundaries set by parents who, although had my best intentions in mind, didn't really know what I wanted.

I wanted to see the world. And London seemed like a great start. Oxford University. How many people can say they studied there? I would be one of the lucky few who would tag my name along with the prestigious institution. I was looking forward to a whole new life. But without my best friend right beside me the whole thing seemed kind of daunting. However friendly London was to strangers, that's exactly what I was. A stranger in a new city. I couldn't do this alone. I really hoped Bee would stick with me for my sake. And for hers. Her parents would kill her. While I pondered over the issue in my mind I came to a conclusion. If Bee was indeed not coming with me to London, didn't I owe it to me and her to make our last week of being together in a long time worthwhile?

We couldn't be living together forever but I'd never contemplated that I would only get another week with her, possibly, before we went our separate directions.

That's it.

All Time Low’s concert was going to be flawless. I would make sure all the memories would be perfect. This was a trip I wanted to remember the rest of my life. During this entire time, the four of us hadn't really had any time all to ourselves. That was going to change. This last week, I would make sure we were all there for each other- before we each went a different direction- beginning a new life.